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Letters From North America |
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Oh well, I know this thing comes around every 10 years, but I’m a little confused about what is going on with it. For example, I think the last statistic I heard was that only about 56% of the American public had sent their form in on time. This necessitated the use of real live humans going out into the hinterland to knock on doors and ask the questions which were on the forms which had not been returned. Now, look at what I just said…..’Only 56% of the population had sent the forms back into the government on time.’ My question is ….how do they know? I mean, common sense dictates that if they have 56% of the total, then wouldn’t they know what the total was? Of course, since this is the government, then the term ‘common sense’ doesn’t often apply, does it? My form was easy; all they asked was …”How many people live in your house?” Nothing about indoor plumbing, televisions or anything personal. They did want to know if we had a ferret and did we contemplate the overthrow of the government. I answered no to both…. Just kidding, about the questions, not about the answers. I think I’ve come up with an idea to save the country a whole lot of money and still get the census out on time. In fact, I think it could be done every year, not just once every 10 years. Follow me on this. Let’s get the hospitals and places that birth certificates come from to report the number of births every year as they happen. Then we get the funeral homes and hospitals and places that issue death certificates to report the number of deaths that happen each year. We add the number of births, and subtract the number of deaths and we should have the number of people still alive in this country. Now, when I suggested this to a few people I got 2 comments. One was…”That’s way too simple and it makes too much " Well, hello, I suppose it does and therefore isn’t likely to be adopted by the powers that be in Washington. Because it does make too much sense. The other comment I got was concerning illegal aliens…..The kind from other countries not from other planets. Anyway, someone told me that these wouldn’t be counted if we used my plan….well, for some reason I didn’t think they were supposed to be counted anyway, are they? I mean, if you’re here illegally, should you figure into the population count for the country? I don’t think so. Like the kid from Cuba, Elain whatever…does he get counted? If so, why? I mean it’s not like he’s ever going to vote or anything. From what I see, he’s over here for a few months on vacation and then back to Castro. Of course as we all know, he now has his entire school class over here with him doing Disney World and who knows what on our nickel. Enough of this, we could stay on this one for many days to come. It just seems kind of curious to me. Oh, well back to the subject. Another solution would be to hire all of the psychics…is this the right word? I know they aren’t called psychos, but I get the spelling confused. The word I need is for mind reader. I think this is it. Anyway, why not hire all of them to obtain the missing information instead of having people go door to door and waste a lot of time and energy? These psychics, or mind readers could just be in Census centers all over the country and could just visualize whatever your plumbing happens to be or how many bathrooms you have in the house. No need to send people out, the job would be done cheaper, faster and more accurately this way. Of course there seems to be a problem with these people as well. First off, if you call one of their psychic hot lines and speak to someone, they want to know your name and what you’re calling about. If they were who they said they were, wouldn’t they already know? Shouldn’t they be calling me wanting to help me with my problems? Shouldn’t we be getting calls like…”Hi, Peary this is Evelyn from National Mind Reader Inc. I just wanted you to know that you shouldn’t be worried over that tax problem with the IRS since it’s going to work out in your favor. And, oh yes, you will get that new contract next Wednesday. One other thing, watch your driving, you’ll get a flat next week.” If I get one of these calls, then I’ll be impressed. As usual you can reach me at www.pearyperry.com. Or you could use telepathy, but don’t count on an answer. |
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By now, everyone has heard or seen the ads for the 2000 Census. You know, those that say something about the silence being all you can hear if you don’t fill the card out properly and send it in at the correct time. Seems like this is the only way they have of finding out where we need more politicians. Truth to tell, maybe we should just leave it alone and get rid of some of those folks in Washington. They don’t seem to know we’re here anyway, do they?