1 23 00

Every
year about this time, a bunch of people I’ve never heard of come out with
something called the "In" list and the "Out" list. Now, this
has been going on for years and each year I vow never to read the stupid things
again, but somehow always end up doing so against my better judgment. One thing
I’ve noticed, I have never seen the names of the so-called "In and
Out" experts two years in a row. In fact, I think they only show up for one
list and then disappear. Maybe they aren’t real people at all, but just made
up figments of some editor’s weird imagination. Maybe this time of the year is
a slow news week and so to keep the spaces filed up with something other than
rewrites of obituaries, they have created this whole idea of what’s in (cool)
and what’s out (really not cool). For example, on nearly all the lists this
year as being "in" are …tonal rooms? What the heck is this anyway?
Pardon me, but I don’t have a clue as to what a tonal room might be used for.
Is this something to do with my stereo or weightlifting or both? Maybe it’s
some kind of room you have to check to see if your hearing is getting any worse
than it used to be 10 or 15 years ago. "Excuse me, Honey, I’m going to be
in the Tonal room or a few hours." I’d love to see what happens if we
were to call Bubba’s Home Construction Center in the morning and tell Bubba
we’d like one of those new Tonal rooms. I imagine there would be a long pause
and then Bubba might just start snickering and say something like…" Joe
Bob…is that you? Cut it out, I’m really busy this morning. " 

Anyway, back to what is major un-cool. Fussy rooms, busy
patterns are way out. Who are these people anyway? If you’re like me, you buy
a couch when the old one sags and finally wears out. You don’t buy one every
year because some bozo in New York tells you it’s "Time for Plaid".
Couches are expensive; recovering a couch is expensive. In fact nearly any piece
of furniture you might want is expensive. Used to be, you could buy things at
the store to cover up your chairs and couches when they started to wear out. In
fact, I remember when some folks kept plastic on chairs and couches. Your legs
would sweat and then when you tried to get up, it was like peeling duct tape off
of any exposed skin areas. But, boy did those chairs and couches look nice.
"Contact lenses" are out and eyeglasses are in. Well, since I’ve
always worn glasses since I felt contacts were too much trouble, then I suppose
what goes round comes around, doesn’t it? If contacts are out, why do I keep
seeing advertisements for them on television? The people that run those clinics
must not read the papers very diligently. Either that or they don’t care about
what the fashion troopers have to say each year. Here’s a good
one…."Candles are really hot (no kidding, especially when they’re lit).
We like scents that evoke memories and make you feel comfortable. We’re really
going big with Apple Flower for spring." Does this mean that my vanilla
candles are passé? What do I do with all of those lilac scented things in the
bathrooms? Do we just chuck them out or have some giant…"This Year’s
OUT sale?" Do I have an obligation to tell the poor unfortunate people that
buy these so outdated candles at my garage sale that they are buying out of
taste goods? Maybe we should put those little labels on all of this stuff like
on milk cartons to tell everyone that…"This product is outdated as
of—–". It doesn’t seem fair to sell things that are in bad taste, does
it? You know the more I read of this stuff, the sillier it gets. For example,
one of these clowns says…"Chenille is so out." Another one
says…"This years hottest fabric will be chenille". Don’t these
people get together on this stuff? Looks to me like they’d have some secret
meeting at some high powered resort and discuss this earth shattering news that
could potentially effect everyone.