Sometimes
I wonder about myself. Maybe, I’m just getting old and silly or something.
About 2 weeks ago, my wife was making plans to take her Mother home after she
had been here for a visit. Said wife was going to be gone for over a week. This
leads me to start thinking…a week all to myself. What all can I do while she
is gone. Who can I go see, where can I go? Well, as it ended up it went
something like this:
Day one: started getting bored about 6pm. Decided to clean out
the pantry and re-arrange it since it had gotten totally unorganized over the
holidays. This took all evening and ruined any chances of nightlife. Ate some
leftover ham and cheese that was on the verge of going bad. Stomach gets upset.
Started dishwasher. In bed by 9pm. Day two: Noticed that the freezer needed
cleaning. Moved all of the bad (stuff I can’t eat) food out to freezer in the
garage. Moved all of the good stuff back into the house, so I’ll know what we
have worth cooking. I hate going to the store and buying something and then
coming home and finding out that I had 2 of them stashed somewhere and didn’t
need anymore. Read the paper again just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
Nothing worth watching on television. Can’t remember if dishes in dishwasher
are clean or not, ran dishwasher again just to be sure. Put dirty clothes in
washing machine. In bed by 9. Day three: Can’t figure out how to make just 2
or 3 cups of coffee since I don’t need a full pot each morning. Settle for
instant. Makes me sick again so I go out to get breakfast. Start trash bags and
fill up with 3 days worth of newspapers, which I have read from front to back,
several times. Make several phone calls, but nobody asks me over for dinner. I
refuse to beg for someone to cook, I can survive by myself. I’ve done it
before and I can do it again. Nothing on television. Fix myself a frozen TV
dinner. All five parts of this thing tastes like cardboard. Why in the world did
we buy this in the first place? Put dishes in dishwasher. Can’t remember if
the ones in there are clean or not, re-run washer again. Take clothes out the
washing machine and load into dryer. Day four: No coffee this morning. Decide to
go ahead and re-arrange furniture. I get movers to come and move all of the
office stuff from upstairs back to study downstairs. Then they move all of the
bedroom furniture from downstairs back to bedroom upstairs. Now I have to unload
all of the boxes holding my office stuff. Decide to go ahead and sort papers and
get them ready for tax returns. Stack boxes in floor to take to store room. Too
late to go out for dinner and wild night on the town. Eat soup and load
dishwasher again. Re wash same dishes. Can’t remember if clothes got dry on
not, so re-run dryer. In bed by 9PM again. Day five: Move boxes and extra
furniture over to storeroom. Have to re-arrange storeroom since it’s got stuff
scattered all over the place and I don’t have room to move around. Come home
and work in the yard fixing flowerbeds and raking leaves. Too tired to party or
watch TV. Maybe tomorrow night. Eat bowl of canned chili, start dishwasher,
start washing machine, run dryer again. I am now in habit of getting bowls and
cups from the dishwasher since I know they are clean. I get my towels and
underwear from the dryer since I know they are dry after having been dried 3 or
4 times. In bed by 9:30. Day six: Neighbors take pity on me and ask me over for
dinner. First decent meal in 5 or 6 days. I’m really losing weight on this new
diet. If she’d stay gone for 6 months or more I’d probably be down to about
100 pounds. There’s a scary thought. Drink some wine; stay out way later than
normal. In bed by 10 PM or so. Forgot to check on dishwasher, washing machine
and dryer. Will re-do all 3 of them in the morning. Forgot and left cat outside
for night. Must have been really tired. Day seven: Friend calls me to come over
to a state park and spend the night in his new RV. I drive 150 miles. We run out
of things to talk about around 8pm. Decide to go to bed. Can’t read as
overhead lights burnt out. His heater breaks. Have to sleep in bed with the dog.
Dog snores. Too cold to move. Next morning, no coffee, and no hot water and no
soap for shower. Head back home. Take shower, eat another can of soup and run
washing machine, dryer and dishwasher again, just to be sure. We’re now into
day seven. One more day to go and then she’ll be back. But, hey I’m doing
all right. Day eight: Unload the dishwasher, put glasses and dishes away in
cabinet. Clean up the cats litter box. Take out the trash. Vacuum the house.
Hang a mirror I’d put off doing for nearly a year. Unload the washing machine
and load the dryer again. Need to fold all of this stuff since it’s gotten so
big and has taken over the laundry room. Put final load of wash into dryer and
turn on. Go out for lunch and then come home so I can be here when she arrives
from the airport. Take a bath and pull towel and underwear out form the dryer
for the last time. Boy, hot towels and warm underwear feel really good. In
retrospect I think that next time I’d better do some long term planning. If I
want to be a party animal. I could be a party animal you know. Just ask me. Next
time she’s gone I might even throw a party right here at the house. After I
finish cleaning out the closets. As usual, send good comments to me at
