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Letters From North America |
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Some famous document…is it the Declaration of Independence? Starts off with the line…”When in the course of human events…”. Well, human events being what they seem to be, one can only guess at what kind of chaos will happen when we finally get down to midnight on December 31st of this year. We are hearing everything from the collapse of the civilized world, as we know it, to nothing, merely a bump in the road. Whose opinion is correct? Have we become so dependent upon computers that the end of the world could be possible? Will this mean the end of the Jumbo Jack? Can you imagine what will happen if you order…pickles, lettuce, tomatoes and NO onions…and someone (perish the thought) might have to actually WRITE what you wanted to eat? Whoa, hold up on that one. This problem has the potential to go even further. Imagine, for a moment, if you will, that you actually do get someone to wait on you, and you step up to the counter and give the person a $20 DOLLAR BILL in payment for a meal that only COSTS $4.64. How will they calculate the correct change? Will employees get into major stress just because they can’t operate a computer for the first time in their lives? Will people who have computers that actually work be kidnapped and held for ransom? Is it possible to operate in a computer-less society? I don’t know about you, but I did just fine for 30-40 years and managed to eat, drive AND pay my bills without the aid of any machine. Oh, I know it’s going to be a hardship. Computers are useful tools. I’m using one now, to write this article. I like it better than a typewriter; you may remember those, since it allows me to correct my many mistakes a lot faster. But, if need be I could always sit down at a desk and actually write a column in long hand. You might not be able to read it, but I could and would if you wanted to hear what I had to say. I still have an old pickup truck, that I’ll bet doesn’t have any computers on board anywhere. So, I suppose I’ll still be able to drive around, providing I can get some gas. That may pose a problem, since all of the pumps are now computerized. I may want to stock up with some extra petrol before the end of the year. We have a non electric can opener. I’d advise that you get one, in case the lights go off as some folks are saying. We have a swimming pool, so water shouldn’t be a problem. I might want to get a stove or heater of some kind to boil the stuff. No sense in getting sick drinking pool water. We’ve got plenty of food. In fact, it might be a good time to clean out the pantry and get rid of some of that stuff you bought years ago, but just haven’t gotten around to eating. Things like, canned turnips, and cranberries and yams. We always have lots of yams on hand for some reason or another. Although I can’t seem to recall that we eat them except at the holiday season. Since this is going to be in the middle of the holiday season, then it makes sense to clean those babies out and free up some space for new stuff once the stores reopen. Maybe this is the time for one of those stews I used to make, where you throw all of the stuff you couldn’t figure out what to do with into a pot and boiled it. I think we called it ‘mystery’ stew, since each time we cooked it, it was always a mystery as to what was actually in it. As to all of this nonsense about the banking business going ballistic, well, if I don’t get any bills because their computers are fouled up, then you think I’m going to call Visa and MasterCard and asked what happened to my bill? Not on your life. In fact we can always use the old excuse for our late payments…that the check is screwed up by the computer. I’ll bet that doesn’t get used but a zillion, million times after the first of next year. So what if the City government can’t get their computers up and going. I only get tax notices and parking tickets from them anyway. And if the IRS can’t send out tax forms, who’s going to complain? Not me. What is curious to me, is that in recorded history, we have already gone through this mess at least once before. I don’t recall ever reading about any major disaster or anything of the sort. When was this you ask? Well, about 2000 years ago, we switched from BC to AD. Now, you know this had to create some sort of major confusion. These folks were using sticks and clay to write on, and ballpoint pens were still waiting to be invented. Of course they should have known that something was about to happen, I mean one year it’s 34BC and the next year it’s 33BC. Most folks would ask themselves, what’s this all about? I mean when it was getting close to 2 or 1BC, I think I’d begin to get a little nervous. Then, when it was all over, the numbers would start going up…. Whose idea was this? Maybe we need to review some history and see how these people coped with that situation. Of course, I’m only kidding, because abacuses don’t have dates on them, so they wouldn’t really be affected by any changes in the century. Just remember that you never, ever want to buy any old coins that have a date marked on them as being minted in such and such a year BC. You heard it here. |
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