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Letters From North America
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For questions or comments, please contact me at pperry@austin.rr.com Designed and Hosted by The Home Page Factory |
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Letters From North America
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For questions or comments, please contact me at pperry@austin.rr.com Designed and Hosted by The Home Page Factory |
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There is an old joke that goes something like this… .Do you know why only one out of a million male sperm ever successfully makes it to one female egg? Because, none of them will ever stop and ask for directions…Now, as silly as that is, can you try and even begin to explain why men won’t stop and ask directions for any reason other than being totally and completely lost? On the other hand, men will buy a compass and can always point to either, North, south, east or west. Women could care less. To test this theory, I called the nations largest compass maker and spoke to Waldo Sniggelfritz, their marketing and research engineer. (what’s to engineer on a compass?) . . “Mr. Sniggelfritz…who buys more compasses, men or women?”…He replies…. “Why everyone knows that men buy more compasses.” So, there you have it. I’ve asked my wife to tell me what direction is which and she will just look at me and say… “Why?” I’ve asked her what’s on the other side of the Pacific ocean and she says she doesn’t care and then asks.. .”why do I need to know?”, If she needs to get there, then the pilots on the plane will know how. Men will buy a compass and mount them on the windshield of their cars and trucks. This is so they will know at all times in which direction they may be heading. It doesn’t really matter that they are heading east instead of west, it just matters that they know at all times which direction they are going. This natural desire to know where the four points of the compass are goes back to prehistoric days, before Windows 98, before even cars or radio. I mean, way back. This goes back to the place in time where a caveman would look out of his cave each morning and see the sun rising. Then he would look at the other side of the hill in the evening to see the sun setting. These events caused him to think a great deal. Mainly to wonder to himself, “What the heck is this all about?” The sun has had a great deal of influence on mankind. I researched this through Professor Fredrick Sniggelfritz (no relation to Waldo) at the University of New and Creative Thinking- Burbank. Dr. Fred (he asked me to call him this) stated that he has spent his entire life studying the effects of the sun on mankind. “Yes, things are round because the sun is round.” This profound discovery was made as the result of a 10 year long study funded by a federal grant. He is now working on a theory to prove that the sun is really hot and we could not live there for more than a day or we would burn up like toast. He expects to have his results in a few years. Anyway, back to the compass story. Women never have compasses on their car windows. They never need to know what direction they are heading. If they even think they are lost, or in some cases, they are even sure yet, they will pull over and ask for directions in a split second. They will also take notes. “OK, go down 3 miles, take a left on Hiway 155, go 2.5 miles, turn right at the service station, drive 5.3 miles to the fork in road, turn left and drive 1/2 mile and you’ll find it on your left.” A woman will write this information down and will read it back. A man, on the other hand, will listen to the entire set of instructions, take no notes (at least not in front of anyone) run to their car or truck and immediately go the opposite direction and will be just as lost as they were 1 minute before. In some cases, they will rush to their cars or truck and search desperately for a piece of paper and a pencil to try and write down the directions (hunkering down in the seat so no one can see them) before he forgets them. Invariably, he will fail…requiring him to be lost for another hour or so, before he has to stop and ask directions again. He will never stop and ask a woman for directions. He would rather be lost for eternity than to have to do this. He will however, always know in which direction he was headed when he became lost.