Ok,
for the past
couple of months
you’ve heard
enough from me
about my
surgery, house
remodeling and
the hurricanes.
I thought this
would be the
time to make a
change and give
you something to
think about.
You know, I told
you last year I
was going back
to college and
get my degree. I
missed a lot of
things when I
was in high
school and
junior college.
My mind wasn’t
on the courses
at hand and I
admit I wasn’t
much of a
student. So,
here I am quite
a bit older and
looking to
improve my mind
and make up for
lost time. I
think we all
should do the
same. In my
travels I’ve
talked to a lot
of folks who
tell me that
they missed a
lot of classes
on some of
life’s more
important
points. I can’t
remember any
classes telling
me how to
balance a
checkbook or
what kinds of
insurance I’d
need to buy as
an adult. I
would have liked
to learn how to
cook. I
certainly could
use that
information much
better than what
I learned while
taking geometry
and Latin. How
many pints make
a quart is more
important to me
today than
calculating the
volume of a
sphere.
As you know I
think of this
column as my
ability to
enlighten and
inform the folks
who read my
stuff. For
example, this
morning I’m
reading a very
lengthy article
that is telling
me about how I
have abused my
cheese all of my
life.
Yes, dear
reader, I was
never taught
about the proper
methods of
cheese handling.
I have failed
cheese. I am so
ashamed.
For example,
cheeses should
be stored in
temperature and
humidity
controlled
environments.
You can’t just
shove them into
the old
refrigerator
along with the
eggs and milk.
Various cheeses
have to be
stored at
different
temperatures and
humidity levels.
In fact, one of
the newest
kitchen
appliances
(about $300) is
a countertop
cheese machine.
It’s expected to
become a
standard item
along with your
toaster and
microwave.
There is a guy
in California
(where else?)
who is adding on
a 300 square
foot cheese room
to his wine
cellar at the
cost of an
additional
$50,000. I can’t
find my wine
cellar, and my
wife thinks I’ve
lost my mind
when I asked her
what happened to
ours.
For your
information,
those of you who
might have
missed that day
in high school
when proper
cheese handling
methods were
discussed,
cheeses should
be stored as
follows: cheeses
should be kept
in parchment
paper or waxed
paper. Never,
ever keep your
cheeses in
plastic, since
plastic
apparently
‘suffocates the
cheese’. Also if
a cheese it too
cold, it will
dry out and too
warm it will
ripen too
quickly.
My heart was
broken when I
read this. Since
I’ll be the
first to admit
that I have been
suffocating
cheeses all of
my life. I never
knew, no one
taught me, I was
underprivileged,
I was
ignorant….yes, I
was a cheese
jerk. Until I
read this
article I never
knew I was a
cheese abuser.
I’ll try to do
better in the
next few years.
I promise.
Yes, I promise
to unwrap all of
those little
cheese slices
that Kraft puts
in plastic so
they will age
naturally and
not ‘suffocate’.
I unwrapped a
few a couple of
minutes ago and
thought I could
hear a sigh of
relief. Might
have been my
imagination. I
feel better
about doing
this.
For your
information,
Gouda, cheddar
and parmesan can
last for months
if stored at 55
to 60 degrees
and 80%
humidity. Blue
cheeses will do
better at 45
degrees and 90%
humidity since
they ripen
faster. If you
like
Camembert’s, you
must remember
you can only
store them for a
few weeks and
that they must,
I repeat, must
be turned over
every day to
allow their
moisture to be
distributed
properly. Your
failure to do
this will
certainly result
in a
deterioration of
the cheese,
something you
want to avoid at
all cost.
Come to think of
it, I wonder if
Kraft knows how
they’re abusing
millions upon
millions of
cheese singles
by putting them
in those little
plastic
wrappers. Just
choking those
little suckers
to death and
I’ll be they
don’t even know
it. I might send
them a copy of
this article to
inform them.
I might also see
if I can contact
the person who
wrote the
article I was
reading. I have
no idea what the
proper
temperature and
humidity is for
rattrap
chesses…and I
need to find out
the proper
methods of
storing my
Velveeta. Till
next week.
By the way, I
forgot to
mention that
Velveeta and
rattrap cheeses
go best with
wines such as
Thunderbird or
Ripple…..July
was a good month
for both.
