I don’t do good with sick. As in someone else besides me being sick. In this case, it’s my wife. She’s sick, in bed, running a fever and won’t eat anything I’ve brought her. This is really messing up my routine.

First off, I am a person of some regularity; I get up at the same time, make coffee, let the dogs out, bring in the paper, give the dogs a bone, pour my coffee and read the news of the day. I do this for about two hours and then get dressed for work. With my wife being under the weather my routine has been drastically altered. I have to sleep in the guest bedroom; she doesn’t want any lights on when I read at night and she doesn’t want the dogs in the bed. I have to keep sneaking into our bedroom to see if she needs any water or ice. I’d take her temperature, but she has one of these new things that go on your forehead or in your ear that I can’t operate. All of this creeping in and out of the rooms has got everything out of order. This has got the three of us (me and two dogs) completely off kilter. We are totally lost and confused when this happens.

I knew she was really sick yesterday when I went to the store for some things to make soup. I bought her some chocolate, some soft drinks, some cookies and best of all some peanut butter cups. She refused to eat any of them. This is not normal. I should have taken her to the emergency room right then and there but she told me not to worry.

Worry’How can I help but worry’My entire universe has been turned completely upside down. First off, I’m not allowed to load the dish washer since I have failed at what kind of soap to use (I do know not to use liquid hand soap ever again) and I have never figured out how to put the dishes and glasses inside in some kind of order that only woman are aware of. How do they know this stuff’I just put cups and saucers and plates and bowls wherever there seems to be room, but I keep hearing that this is not the correct way to do this, so I just don’t try. Yesterday I did load the machine up since I was running out of room on the countertops. I haven’t checked this morning to see how they came out, but I didn’t hear anything clanking together last night when I turned it on so that must be a good thing, unless they were packed in there too tightly.

I don’t even try to load the washer and dryer; I just keep putting on clean shorts and socks and hope I have enough to last out this session of the plague or whatever she’s contracted. If she doesn’t start perking up by the end of the week, I might have to call one of those temporary maid services to come in and help me get through the weekend.

Have I mentioned the bed in the other room’I had forgotten about it, but that thing has about forty throw pillows of all sizes on top of it. I tried taking them off a couple of years ago and then putting them back the way I thought they should go, but I failed at that as well. She didn’t say anything, but I could tell she didn’t approve of my arrangement. I should have taken a picture and then I would have something to go by. Better yet, I should just leave well enough alone and not try these tasks; men just don’t seem to be capable of some things. I guess I could sleep on the floor, but I don’t think I’d like it. The dogs wouldn’t either.

Besides when it comes to pain and sickness, I believe the Bible sums it up in Genesis 3/16…where it says: “To the woman He,” being God, “…said, “I will greatly multiply your pain…” So, in my mind that just proves that women are destined to have more pain and are probably better at dealing with it than men are.

Anyway, I’m just kidding around, I know how to take care of myself and am really quite self sufficient when it comes to taking care of myself. I can cook soup, make toast and operate a can opener, what else is there to know’

I must make a note to myself to remind me to ask her how much coffee she puts in the pot for me. Mine is terrible, I sure hope she gets well in a hurry.