Don’t
try to tell me that what I’m about to discuss isn’t rue. I know it is and no
amount of arguing will change my mind. This week I got to looking around the
house and noticed that our supply of catalogs has gone up drastically over the
past several months. We get catalogs on plants, cooking stuff, vitamins, pet
supplies, travel and much more. I also get more than my fair share of
newsletters from folks trying to make me rich. Now, I don’t know any of these
people and it’s awfully nice that they think of me and want me to have more
money, but…….I just can’t help but think that there’s some catch to what
they have to offer.
I really do believe that there is some giant
database, somewhere in the country that monitors what I buy or try to buy. My
financial life has always been chicken or feathers. Not much in between. I
either have money or I don’t. During the times that I don’t have any, it
seems like I’d have to mail a letter to myself to get any mail at all. But,
when I start getting flush again, watch out. Here come the catalogs, and the
investment newsletters. Now my question is …..How do they know?
It’s scary to me to think that in some
place like North Dakota there might be some computer that tracks what I pay for
and determines my buying habits. If so, it must be thoroughly confused, since
what I buy makes little sense. Perhaps that’s why I get so many different
types of catalogs, the big eye in the sky can’t get a real good profile of me.
I like flowers and I like guns. I eat a lot of vegetables, but like steaks as
well. You get the idea. I’d be happy traveling 200 miles as well as the other
side of the world. So I’m certain that confuses the travel analysis
people.
Probably the most confused have to be the
investment companies. I don’t really know how to invest except to buy high and
sell low. This isn’t advisable for most folks but it works well for me. It
seems to keep me motivated and humble. The way I figure it, if I had a lot of
money. I mean a lot of money. I’d be spoiled and have a tendency to probably
goof off and lay around a lot. Since I don’t have mega bucks and it doesn’t
appear any are headed my way anytime soon, I figure I’ll live longer since
I’ve got to keep on working and can’t join the ranks of the idle rich.
The travel catalogs and things are easy to
figure out. Someone tracked my buying a pan for omelets and you get a cooking
catalog. You buy flowers and pretty soon you get a plant and seed catalog. The
ones I don’t get are the investment letters. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I
think we all could be 100% accurate about stock picks that occurred 6 months ago
or yesterday. I mean, you’d have to be really stupid to send out a
solicitation that read…"Our stock picks lost money over the past 6
months." Nope, what you get is a letter telling you that if only you had
received this firms newsletter and had invested $50 in their recommended stock
portfolio, then you’d have an amazing $15,000,000 after only 6 months.
Now, my question has always been…if these
guys are so smart selecting 10 or 15 stocks out of the thousands that are
traded….then why aren’t they rich and why are they sending out sales
information on cheesy paper with bulk mail stamps? Most people I know, if they
knew that a stock was a great deal and was about to explode, would tell only
their friends and family. They wouldn’t be sending this out to millions of
unknown people around the country. Another thing, you ever notice that whenever
they have these testimonials on the information, they never actually use
anyone’s full name? They always have a picture of someone and just below it
they say something like…"I turned $500 into $3,500,000 with just 3 trades
in less than 2 weeks." signed C.B. Georgia. Now, just who the heck is C.B
and how many of them are in Georgia? How in the world can we be expected to
verify this information if we can’t check out whether this is true or not? No,
I smell a rat. Hindsight is always 100%.
Anyone can put together a newsletter saying
that all of their stocks out performed everyone else in the country. What I want
is a real person with real money to tell me this is what I bought and after I
bought it, I applied their advice and made a zillion bucks and you can too. Now
once I get something like that and can verify the facts then I’d buy it in a
heartbeat. Another sure tip off that you’re about to be ripped is the use of
dubious awards. Such as …’Voted the best investment software of the year by
the Tabasco County Financial Association." Where is Tabasco County? Do they
even have a Financial Association?
I suspect some of these people create their
own awards to make them appear more credible. It’d be like me stating that
I’m a "prize winning columnist." Come to think of it, I ate a box of
Cracker Jacks the other day and did find a prize. So, I suppose that means I am
a prizewinner. That sounds pretty neat……now if I could find C.B. and see
about those stocks that she bought. I’d be doing ok for this week. Keep those
cards and letters coming to me at
